The (indirect) Genius of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People

Sometimes getting the best things out of life comes through indirect effort.

One of the merits of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is that it not only helps with overcoming the reflexive habit of negatively judging other people, it also indirectly helps to overcome our own habit for self-criticism.

Chapter after chapter, Carnegie attempts to dissuade the reader of bad social habits with the promise that holistic practice will bring about positive change in an individual’s social life and their career.

What many readers do not realize, however, and perhaps what Carnegie may not have intended, is that following through with his advice also has indirect positive implications on how one treats themselves.

This may in fact be the real genius behind this book as we are, in many respects, the product of what we tell ourselves.

Following through with Carnegie’s recommendations — namely that we cease and desist from criticism, fault-finding, poking, and derision of other individuals — also has an impact on how we treat ourselves.

When we consistently act upon Dale Carnegie’s recommendations we may find that our own muscle of self-criticism is gradually weakened over time.

When we focus on something that means a great deal to us, when we focus on that which we have high expectations for, self-criticism can greatly slow down or even undermine our own potential to achieve that with which we desire.

Take a musician for instance.

Often when warming up with a scale, the notes made by said musician can be a little out of tune, something that happens when a musician’s muscles have been out of use since the last time they practiced.

Although this phenomenon is totally understandable under the circumstances, a reactive, self-chattering mind can transmogrify an otherwise tame reality into a hostile, unpleasing, event greatly limiting said musician’s creative energies and undermining their ability to properly focus on the task at hand.

When one practices Carnegie’s recommended strategies to perfection, one may therefore notice an absence of that reflexive arm of self-criticism.

This is where the strength of How to Win Friends and Influence People truly lies: by learning how to withhold criticism of other people, we indirectly unleash our own potential by withholding unnecessary self-criticism from ourselves allowing greater latitude for our own pursuits.